The Victorian Times
by getmearabbit
Summary: Ever wondered what the latest news was during Ciel's time? You now have a solution. The Victorian Times is London's favourite Newspaper/Magazine and now, YOU can read it too! (And, for free!) The Victorian Times publishes several times a week. Rated K for SOME vulgarities. (We will be interviewing some hot-headed people) Enjoy
1. The Victorian Times 1

_**The Victorian Times **_

**LOCAL NEWS**

In the local news, ten more hooligans have been caught by the English Police for vandalising church walls. It appears that the captured crooks were part of a gang, known as : The Black Spiders.

Police were able to find out crucial pieces of information on the gang and found their secret location. A warehouse containing Funtomhive Chocolate. Police have checked the chocolate for any drugs and found the answer, no.

Police Officer Randy states: "Well blimey, I could've sworn that anything containing sugar was disastrous to the body. Today, I was proved wrong. The chocolate tastes bloody good! It would suit my morning tea."

There you have it, Ladies and Gentlemen. Funtomhive chocolate tastes great with your cup of tea.

* * *

**RISING YOUNG LORD**

Today, we feature what the locals think of the young lord, Ciel Phantomhive.

A lady going by the name of Daisy states: "Lord Phantomhive? That young child right? Well, I reckon that someday, his whole world will come crashing down and he will turn gay." A young boy, who we know as a supporter of the young Earl shouted back: SHOVE OFF YOU PIECE OF MOLDY BREAD, CIEL'S AWESOME AND IF I HEAR YOU DISCRIMINATE HIM, I WILL MURDER YOU!"

He then threw a brick on the lady's head and was arrested by the Police.

* * *

**TEACUP COMPANY REBELS**

This is it, England! Hold on to your skirt ruffles and grab your sick buckets because this rebellion will make you scream in pure terror. England's favourite and most famous tea cup manufacturer, London Majestics, has decided to close down their company. When asked why, the head of the company, Sir Benjamin only replied: "I feel that we are drinking too much tea."

Well, shoot me in the head and call me a tea hater. This is definitely not what we expected of a true blue English man. Tea is England's favourite drink, and hearing Sir Benjamin say that makes us quiver in horror.


	2. The Victorian Times 2

Dear beloved readers,

I'm glad that the Newspaper/Magazine is being read by you, really I am. But I would wish to see _**reviews**_ containing suggestions for our next news story. It would be a great help! ^_^ I hope you continue enjoying our news!

Sincerely,

Head of **Getmearabbit Publishing**.

* * *

_**The Victorian Times**_

_****_**MAN IN BLACK CAUGHT HARASSING LADY FORSTHWAITHE**

****Yesterday at the Grand Opening of the Tea Appreciation Centre, Lady Forsthwaithe was heard screaming in shock. When authorities finally located her (you can't blame them, it WAS a huge place), they found a man in black running away from the scene. Police gave chase but failed to catch up with the fast runner. We interviewed Lady Forsthwaithe.

INTERVIEW

TVT(The Victorian times) : Lady Forsthwaithe, do you remember who the mysterious man looked like?

Lady: Oh no, you see I was too afraid to look carefully, but I think he did resemble the Phantomhive butler.

TVT: The Phantomhive butler? It is true that Lord Phantomhive was at the Grand Opening, but we doubt his butler would harass a young lady.

Lady: It was him! I saw him in butler clothes and really, he resembled the butler!

TVT: We have checked, Lady Forsthwaite, and it appears that the butler was not with his Lord at the time you were in trouble.

Lady: Oh, my.

Lord Phantomhive has been questioned and authorities are still confused as to who the Mysterious Harasser is.

* * *

**LORD TRANCY STRIPS IN LORD PHANTOMHIVE'S YARD?**

****Ladies and Gentlemen, today, Lord Trancy was seen stripping in Lord Phantomhive's yard. When questioned, the blonde Lord only muttered: "One day, Ciel will appreciate my acts of love." Love? Is a romantic relationship happening between the two?

The younger Lord was questioned about their relationship and the 'act of love'. Lord Phantomhive seemed flustered and angry but answered our questions as calmly as possible. From this, we can note that it appears to be a one-sided relationship.

* * *

**IS TEA RUINING OUR LIVES?**

****In our previous issue, we found out that London Majestics, major teacup company, has decided to close down. After hearing this, many citizens have gone to London Majestics Headquarters and thrown teacups at them starting what they call: The Tea Cup Riots.

A local tea lover says: I can't believe this bloody nonsense. We need tea, and London Majestics has been my favourite Tea Cup manufacturer ever since I was a young boy. No more London Majestics tea cups? BULLSHIT. We are going to MAKE them start manufacturing our tea cups! The head doesn't like tea? F**KING BULLSHIT. (The rest was censored)

* * *

Well, there you have it. Today's issue of The Victorian Times! Alright, I'll think of more amusing stories but reviews and suggestions are ALWAYS OPEN! So please review! Also, if you wish to be one of TVT's star reporters, just tell me and I can feature your exciting news story!

Getmearabbit ~


	3. The Victorian Times 3

Dear wonderful readers,

I am really glad that you are still reading our Newspaper/Magazine! I also want to thank **Addicted to Nurarihyon no mago** for being our FIRST REVIEWER! I cannot thank you enough ^^ And because of that, I have decided to include not 3, but 4 stories for this issue! Since I'm going to be so free for the rest of the year, I would like to introduce the MRMS 'function'!

You see, I now have 1 review, so I will have 1 more story added to the usual 3! So if I get 2 reviews the next day, there will be 5 stories! If one day I get a TON of reviews, you will get a TVT EXTRAVAGANZA! ^w^

Now, lets begin the News shall we?

Sincerely,

Head of** Getmearabbit Publishing.**

**EDIT: Oh , I'm so sorry! MRMS means: More reviews, more stories! NOW ENJOY~**

* * *

_**The Victorian Times**_

**LORD TRANCY STRIKES AGAIN!**

Today, Lord Trancy was seen bathing in Lake Gardevoir, a lake many people find beautiful and enchanting. Not anymore.

Said Lord was bathing in the lake without a care and has been interviewed.

**TVT(The Victorian Times)**: Excuse me, Lord Trancy, may I ask why you are nude in the lake?

**LT(Lord Trancy)**: I'm bathing, obviously.

**TVT**: Well, my lord do you know that you are currently polluting the inhabitants of the lake with the soap and-

**LT**: Polluting? Inhabitants?

**TVT**: ALOIS YOU'RE KILLING THE DAMN FISH!

**LT**: So? We can always get more. Besides, these fish are absolutely boring. We should get PIRANHAS~

**TVT**: But piranhas are dangerous fishes that-

**LT**: I KNOW RIGHT?

The Lord then danced away. Needless to say, it was a _very_ successful interview.

* * *

**LONDON'S ANNUAL BUTLER DANCE-OFF IS BACK!**

Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare to be held in awe! One of London's favourite competitions is back, the Butler Dance-Off!

Today we present to you the results of today's exciting dance-offs!

There were many butlers participating in the competition, around 45 but only 16 managed to get chosen for the qualifying round.

The 16 butlers are:

1)Sebastian Michaelis of the Phantomhive Household

2)Claude Faustus of the Trancy Household

3)Pink Shaman of the Transformice Household

4)Blue Shaman of the Trollmice Household

5)Aladdin of the Magi Household

6)Gola Mosca of the Varia Household

7)Gray of the Fairy Tail Household

8)Gold of the Pokespe Household

9)Steve of the Minecraft Household

10)Mello of the Death Note Household

11)Big Macintosh of the Pony Household

12)Gokudera of the Reborn Household

13)Gardevoir of the Pokemon Household

14)Judal of the Flasher Household

15) Nagi of the Fujisaki Household

16)Hibari of the Vongola Household

Be sure to read our next issue!

* * *

**LORD PHANTOMHIVE SUPPORTS TEA LOVERS IN TEA CUP RIOT!**

Lord Phantomhive has announced that he will help and support the rioters in any way possible as he is a big lover of tea, uch as everyone else.

Here is what some locals think:

_Alfreda: I'm glad the Lord is helping us, now I know we will win with him on our side!_

_Cassandra: I feel so delighted that the young boy knows who to help out at this point!_

_George: Things are looking better, with such a strong lad on our team, we will definitely get our tea cups back!_

There you have it, don't give up on London Majestics.

Your tea cups. They _**WILL**_ come back.

* * *

TRANCY MAID SPOTTED WITH ONLY ONE EYE!

Is this the new fashion trend for maids these days? We don't think so. While out shopping, well-known Trancy maid Hannah was seen with only one eye. When questioned, she only ignored us. So we did what anyone else would do. No, we did not call the Police. Nor did we get the Queen.

We asked Lord Trancy himself.

The lord simply laughed when we asked and said that he was just delivering punishment.

Now, this would not make for a great news story so we didn't just stop there, we went on and asked Lord Phantomhive on his thoughts.

The young Earl replied: That Alois? I expected him to be such a cruel person, so it really doesn't surprise me. However, it would be fun to see him imprisoned and in pain. Haha. But that's just me, I think. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.

We then decided that the Earl was too busy. So we did what we thought was a great idea.

We published what we had. It is very little information, we have to admit. So we made a poem.

**_Alois the young lad, abused his maid._**

**_And we are certain someone wants his head._**

**_Phantomhive Lord might want him dead._**

**_But imprisoned is all that he said._**

* * *

**Hello, my darling readers!**

**This has been another exciting issue of The Victorian Times, I really hope you liked it. If you did, leave a review! If you felt that there should be other things, review and suggest whatever you think would be nice.**

**Also, if you want to contribute a news story to us, feel free to do so! Just PM me.**

**Oh, and if you want to be interviewed for our story, just PM me, again and I will try my absolute best to interview you!**

**One last thing, the format in which the stories are in ****_MIGHT_**** be changed and there might be funny, Kuroshitsuji related advertisements!**

**Look forward to these!**

**Getmearabbit~**


	4. The Victorian Times 4

Hello, my _wonderful readers_! I'm glad to say that we have another review! ***MRMS function: ON***

_**More Reviews More Stories!**_ So today, we will have 4 stories thanks to: _Akahime_! I like your suggestion a lot.

Now, without further ado,

I PRESENT TO YOU

_**The Victorian Times!**_

Sincerely,

Head of **Getmearabbit Publishing.**

* * *

_**The Victorian Times**_

**ALOIS TRANCY SEEN SINGING IN PHANTOMHIVE LAND**

Is Alois Trancy singing love ballads to the younger Lord and showing his love? Maybe. Lord Phantomhive 'answered' the love songs by ordering his butler to throw him into a lake. We hope he doesn't bathe in them. Lord Trancy, however decided that being thrown into a lake meant: "I love you." and went back and performed numerous songs. These include: Panda Hero (originally sung by Gumi), World's End Dancehall (originally sung by Miku and Luka). From this, we conclude that Lord Trancy favours Vocaloids.

We then went ahead to ask locals what they think of this odd relationship.

A Sir Geoffrey told us that: "This kind of behaviour is frowned upon, and yet we have a horde of Ladies supporting this crude relationship. I find it very despicable and disgusting. These boys will learn that this 'love' is utterly horrid and make up for it. They are ruining our country's reputation."

A Lady Karen then threw a glass of boiling oil on his head. We support you, Lady Karen.

She then said: "Personally, I think relationships should not be defined by the public's view, and so I proudly support Lord Trancy and his undying love for the younger Earl."

Who do** you** support?

* * *

_**AD**_

_**Have you ever wanted a special doll of a special someone but didn't buy one because you don't want to look like a sissy?**_

**Well, we have a solution.**

**Here we have a wide array of beautifully made dolls hand crafted by the one and only, DROSSEL KEINZ!**

**He has many different types of dolls including ones that can kill for you and ones that obey you!**

**BUY THEM BEFORE THEY RUN OUT!**

* * *

**VISCOUNT OF DRUITT TO RELEASE NEW FASHION LINE**

The Viscount of Druitt has decided to release his new fashion line, Blue Lobster Robin, tomorrow! We personally interviewed the Viscount and asked him why he decided to start working in the Fashion Business.

TVT(The Victorian Times): Hello Viscount, I understand that you will be releasing your new line tomorrow. Why have you decided to do so?

V(Viscount): You see, I understand that not everyone can be as handsome and good-looking as me, so I decided that my clothes would at least make them resemble my beauty!

TVT: I see. Why did you name your line Blue Lobster Robin?

V: You see, I used Blue Lobster because, it reminds me of that curry... Ah... _**Like the beautiful lady unexpectedly met, with seven precious stones, wrapping their beauty around you. A gold brooch shaped like a dove, a bracelet made of sapphires and pearls, a garnet necklace, a cameo medal, and a diamond and emerald ring on your exquisite fingers, by you, my heart has been stolen from me.**_

TVT: Ok, then why did you use rob-

V: Ah, robin... Reminds me of the sweet young girl I met at the ball ~ And that reminds of the other curry... Oh... _**The young girl at the ball makes me want to love her tenderly. The mischievous mocking bird, singing like a child in the daytime. But in the evening, you show your true colors. The heartstring pulling smile behind your mask, a young girl, alone... I really want to hold you tightly in my arms.**_

TVT: ... Thank you for your time, Viscount...

It was a good interview. I think.

* * *

BUTLER DANCE-OFF CONTINUES!

Ladies and Gentlemen, today we present the 8 winners of the 1st round of dancing!

They danced very well and have been chosen to go on to the NEXT round!

1)Sebastian Michaelis of the Phantomhive Household

2)Claude Faustus of the Trancy Household

3)Pink Shaman of the Transformice Household

4)Gola Mosca of the Varia Household

5)Gold of the Pokespe Household

6)Big Macintosh of the Pony Household

7)Hibari of the Vongola Household

8)Nagi of the Fujisaki Household

We also saw some fans screaming when these 8 qualified for the next round. If you don't know who they are, I suggest you...

GOOGLE IT.

* * *

**PICTURES OF LORD PHANTOMHIVE BEING SPREAD****AROUND**

Today while walking around the neighbourhood, watch out for pictures of the Lord Phantomhive in a Kimono. It seems that when the young Earl went to Japan for a business trip, pictures of him in a rather revealing kimono were taken. Somehow, those pictures were spread around and seen by hundreds and thousands of people. The young Lord has stated that he would find the person who distributed the pictures.

It also seems that the few pictures left might be sold on the Black Market for 750 pounds a piece.

When asked why there were pictures in the first place, he muttered: Lizzie...

* * *

Hello awesome readers! I'M SO SORRY! The last article was really short. :(

However, I promise that the next issue will be much better!

Don't forget to review!

Also, if you want to contribute an exciting article to TVT, just PM me.

PM me also if you want to be featured in an interview! ^^

Ok I really need to go now, friends!

GOOD BYE AND SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

Getmearabbit~


	5. The Victorian Times 5

Hello wonderful people of Earth! We have more reviews and I cannot thank you enough! (3 this time)

Now, I present **_The Victorian Times_** 5!

Enjoy.

Sincerely, Head of **Getmearabbit Publishing.**

* * *

_**The Victorian Times**_

**INSANE INFESTATION OF TALKING MICE**

This morning, Lady Elizabeth reported to have seen more than 10 talking mice outside her home. The talking mice were seen wearing different types of clothing such as, suits, dresses and some were seen wearing wigs. Although authorities have done what they can to make the mice flee from the estate, the Lady still believes a mouse is still lurking there.

But it didn't stop there.

The mice might have tastes for the nobles and apparently, found their way to Lord Phantomhive's manor! The Lord reported that he could hear the mice muttering: "Cheese... Sham... Where is the cheese?" and occasionally, "Noob Shaman..."

None of us can comprehend what the mice might be speaking of, but the young Earl stated that the "Shaman" they were speaking of, might be the lone mouse with a feather on it's head. This is very likely, but with no solid evidence, it is merely an opinion.

* * *

**LORD TRANCY WANTS TO BE A STAR**

Lord Trancy was seen in town wearing costumes you would see a rock star wear. Is he out of his mind?

TVT: Well Lord Trancy, is it true that you want to be a star?

LT: Obviously! Have you not seen my lovely costume?

TVT: The whole town has, Lord-

LT: No no no. Call me Alois. A lord cannot be a star. Its too boring, like Ciel.

TVT: If you say so.

LT: If you say so who?

TVT: ... If you say so, Alois.

LT: Much better! Anyway, I wanted to be a star simply because... I was born to be one! Given my looks and talent at everything, I am the only one qualified to be a star!

TVT: I also heard you will be holding a concert and releasing CDs, is that true?

LT: I will be holding a concert but I will not sell CDs. My singing should be heard LIVE! If it isn't, well then too bad for those who can't afford the tickets.

TVT: Well what about-

LT: You are annoying. This conversation is over! *claps hands* Faustus! Send this reporter out!

Never have we seen a more odd side of Lor- Alois.

* * *

**BUTLER DANCE OFF ROUND 3 RESULTS**

Everyone calm down! Here are the results! AND we have included what the judges think of them!

1) Sebastian Michaelis

Judges thoughts: This dancer is amazing! His moves are amazing!

2) Claude Faustus

Judges thoughts: His amazing dance skills wow me. I can't get enough.

3) Hibari

Judges thoughts: This amazing dancer is great yet graceful, however, he needs to stop biting people to death.

4) Gold

Judges thoughts: Although he looks rather foolish and playful, he has serious dance moves.

The next round, 2 butlers will be out. And votes will decide who the winner is!

* * *

**FUNTOMHIVE TO START SELLING TOILET PAPER?**

Funtomhive made an announcement yesterday, that they would start selling scented toilet paper! Lord Phantomhive stated that they decided to sell scented toilet paper because it seemed like an elegant object to have.

No, it doesn't sound right.

We have asked several locals on what they think about this new item.

Lady Carrie said: I understand that some nobles wish to have fancier toilet paper, and now Funtomhive has the solution!

Sir Thomsy stated that: The samples I smelt and used this morning were splendid! Certainly a good addition to the Funtomhive toilet seats!

And that, dear readers, is how we discovered that there were Funtomhive toilet seats.

You learn something new everyday.

* * *

**CIEL PHANTOMHIVE FOUND TOPLESS**

Earlier this week, an unknown person took pictures of the young Earl topless! He states that he really will murder the person who started the mess, including the Japanese dress mess.

Although many seem to be angry at this, we realise that there is someone who is happy about this.

Alois Trancy.

On another note, deaths due to blood loss have increased by 83%.

* * *

**LORDS PLAYING TOGETHER**

The two young Lords, Ciel and Alois were seen playing Hide and Seek together outside the latter's Manor. When questioned, they gave different responses.

With Alois stating: Can't two best friends play hide and seek together?

And Ciel replying: We are not best friends. I played with him only to get him to stop harassing me!

And then they started bickering while we stood there rooting for who we thought would win.

After a good half hour of verbal abuse towards each other, Alois decided to let Ciel win because he loved him too much.

Are the two really having a more-than-friends relationship?

We will_** never**_ know.

* * *

I know the last few stories were pretty short, but I am really tired!

Hopefully you guys liked this one.

... Hopefully.

Also, does anyone else play Transformice? I have nice Tribe you can join! ^^

Welps, that is all and no that wasn't a spelling error thank you and have a nice day I am running out of breath!

*BREATHE IN*

Much better.

Have a nice day!


End file.
